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What are these cell phones doing to our heads?
Forwarded by: Jun Mescallado New York
How many zeros in a billion?
Forwarded by: Vic Degracia New York
This is too true to be funny.
The next time you hear a politician use the word 'billion' in a casual manner, think about whether you want the 'politicians' spending YOUR tax money.
A billion is a difficult number to comprehend, but one advertising agency did a good job of putting that figure into some perspective in one of it's releases.
A.
A billion seconds ago it was 1959.
B.
A billion minutes ago Jesus was alive.
C.
A billion hours ago our ancestors were
living in the Stone Age.
D.
A billion days ago no-one walked on the earth on two feet.
E.
A billion dollars ago was only
8 hours and 20 minutes,
at the rate our government
is spending it.
While this thought is still fresh in our brain...
let's take a look at New Orleans ...
It's amazing what you can learn with some simple division.
Louisiana Senator, Mary Landrieu (D)
is presently asking Congress for
250 BILLION DOLLARS
to rebuild New Orleans.
Interesting number... what does it mean?
A.
Well... if you are one of the 484,674 residents of New Orleans
(every man, woman, and child)
you each get $516,528.
B.
Or... if you have one of the 188,251 homes in
New Orleans,
your home gets $1,329,787.
C.
Or... if you are a family of four...
your family gets $2,066,012.
Washington, D. C
< HELLO! >
Accounts Receivable Tax
Building Permit Tax
CDL License Tax
Cigarette Tax
Corporate Income Tax
Dog License Tax
Federal Income Tax
Federal Unemployment Tax (FUTA)
Fishing License Tax
Food License Tax
Fuel Permit Tax
Gasoline Tax
Hunting Licen se Tax
Inheritance Tax
Inventory Tax
IRS Interest Charges (tax on top of tax)
IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax)
Liquor Tax
Luxury Tax
Marriage License Tax
Medicare Tax
Property Tax
Real Estate Tax
Service charge taxes
Social Security Tax
Road Usage Tax (Truckers)
Sales Taxes
Recreational Vehicle Tax
School Tax
State Income Tax
State Unemployment Tax (SUTA)
Telephone Federal Excise Tax
Telephone Federal Universal Service Fee Tax
Telephone Federal, State and Local Surcharge Tax
Telephone Minimum Usage Surcharge Tax
Telephone Recurring and Non-recurring Charges Tax
Telephone State and Local Tax
Telephone Usage Charge Tax
Utility Tax
Vehicle License Registration Tax
Vehicle Sales Tax
Watercraft Registration Tax
Well Permit Tax
Workers Compensation Tax
STILL THINK THIS IS FUNNY? < o:p>
Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago...
and our nation was the most prosperous in the world.
We had absolutely no national debt...
We had the largest middle class in the world...
and Mom stayed home to raise the kids.
What happened?
Can you spell 'politicians!'
And I still have to
press '1'
for English.
I hope this goes around the
USA
at least 100 times
What the heck happened?????
PINOY CONTRACTOR ABROAD
Forwarded by: Nancy Hombrebueno NY, NY
Three contractors are bidding to fix the White House fence. One from the Philippines , another from Mexico and an American. They go with a White House official to examine the fence.
The American contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. Well," he says. "I figure the job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me."
The Mexican contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me."
The Filipino contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers: "$2,700."
The official, incredulous, says, "What? You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure? How do you expect me to consider your service with that bid?
"Easy," the Pinoy explains, "$1,000 for you, $1,000 for me and we hire the guy from Mexico ".
The next day, the Pinoy and the Mexican are working on the Fence.
Forwarded by: Nancy Hombrebueno NY, NY
If you are ever forced by a thief or someone to take money out of an ATM machine, enter your pin number reversed. So if your number is 1254 mark 4521.
The ATM machine will give you your money, but will automatically recognize this as a plea for help and will alert the police unknown to the thief. This option is in all ATM machines, but not many people know this.
Here's another "SCAM" letter this time coming from the Philippines
Forwarded by: Gody Olaso NJ
MISS. MARY ELLAINE VILLANUEVA
HEAD OFFICE BANCO DE ORO UNIVERSAL BANK
12 ADB AVENUE, ORTIGAS CENTER, MANDALUYONG CITY
PHILIPPINES.
Good Day,
Let me start by introducing myself, I am Miss. Mary Ellaine Manguerra Villanueva, an ACCOUNTS CLERK with the BANCO DE ORO UNIVERSAL BANK. I am writing you this letter based on the latest development at my bank which I will like to bring to your personal edification. I am writing you this letter with so much joy and excitement even though my heart goes out to the very powerful and distinguished gentleman who I was fortunate to have worked for and extremely privileged to have known for numerous years. I am an official in charge of client accounts in BANCO DE ORO UNIVERSAL BANK inside the Philippines.
This is a legitimate transaction, and you will be paid 20% for your "Assistance".If you are interested, please write back by mail and provide me with your confidential telephone number, fax number and email address and I will provide further details and instructions. Please keep this confidential;finally, please note that this must be concluded within two weeks.
I will assume all responsibilities for this endeavor so you don't have to worry about any legal ramifications, just what you will do with all that money. Your urgent response is highly anticipated so please email me back for more details on this transaction as soon as possible. This should be kept very secret and confidential. I believe you know.
Kind Regards,
Miss. Mary Ellaine Villanueva.
Photo of Saint Padre Pio's Incorrupt Body- April 24th (1st Day of Exposition)
Forwarded by: Nancy Hombrebueno NY, NY
KNOW *677
Forwarded by: Gody Olaso NJ
I knew about the red light on cars, but not the *677. It was about 1:00 p.m. in the afternoon, and Lauren was driving to visit a friend. An UNMARKED police car pulled up behind her and put his lights on. *Lauren's parents have always told them never to pull over for an unmarked car on the side of the road, but rather to wait until they get to a gas station, etc *
Lauren had actually listened to her parents advice, and promptly called 677 on her cell phone to tell the police dispatcher that she would not pull over right away. She proceeded to tell the dispatcher that there was an unmarked police car with a flashing red light on his rooftop behind her. The dispatcher checked to see if there were police cars where she was, and there weren't, and he told her to keep driving, remain calm and that he had back up already on the way.
Ten minutes later 4 cop cars surrounded her and the unmarked car behind her. One policeman went to her side and the others surrounded the car behind. They pulled the guy from the car and tackled him to the ground. The man was a convicted rapist and wanted for other crimes.
I never knew about the *677 Cell Phone Feature, but especially for a woman alone in a car, you should not pull over for an unmarked car. Apparently police have to respect your right to keep going to a safe & quiet; place. You obviously need to make some signals that you acknowledge them (i.e. put on your hazard lights) or call *677 like Lauren did.
Too bad the cell phone companies don't generally give you this little bit of wonderful information.
*Speaking to a service representative at **Bell** Mobility confirmed that *677 was a direct link to State Police Dispatch. So, now it's your turn to let your friends know about *677.
Funny Stuff
Forwarded by: Eddie Flores NJ
CUSTODY FIGHT
A man and his wife were getting a divorce at a local court, but the custody of their children posed a problem.
The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she had brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them.
The man also wanted custody of his children, so the judge asked for his side of the story.
After a long moment of silence, the man rose from his chair
and replied:
'Your honor, when I put a dollar into a vending machine, and
a Pepsi comes out, does the Pepsi belong to me or to the machine?'
Don't laugh....he won!
LONG LOST DAUGHTER
The Irish daughter had not been to the house for over 5 years. Upon her return, her father cussed her, "Where have you been all this time, you ingrate! Why didn't you write us, not even a line to let us know how you were doing? Why didn't you call? You little tramp! Don't you know what you put your Mum through?"
The girl, crying, replied, "Sniff, sniff...Dad... I became a prostitute..."
"WHAT? Out of here, you shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this family - I don't want to see you again!"
"OK, Dad, - as you wish. I just came back to give Mom this luxury fur coat, title deeds to a ten bed-room mansion, plus a savings account certificate for £5 million. For my little brother, this gold Rolex, and for you Daddy, the spanking new Mercedes Limited Edition convertible that's parked outside, plus a life time membership to the Country Club...(takes a breath)---an invitation for you all to spend New Year's Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera, and..."
"Now what was it you said you had become?"
Girl, crying again, "Sniff, sniff ... A Prostitute Dad,... sniff, sniff."
"Oh! Be Jesus! - You scared me half to death, girl! I thought you said a Protestant!!! Come here and give your old man a hug."
THE OLD MAN
A 90-year-old man said to his doctor, "I've never felt better. I have an 18-year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?"
The doctor considered his question for a minute and then said, "I have an elderly friend who is a hunter and never misses a season. One day when he was going out in a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his umbrella instead of his gun. When he got to the Creek, he saw a beaver sitting beside the stream. He raised his umbrella and went, 'bang, bang' and the beaver fell dead. What do you think of that?"
The 90-year-old said, "I'd say somebody else shot that beaver."
"My point exactly", said the Doctor.
MAY YOU HAVE A NICE DAY....
Forwarded by: Nancy Hombrebueno NY, NY
U.S. Immigration , US Dept. of Homeland Security & TRAVEL ADVISORY
This information is very alarming and I think it's worth sharing to save you from trouble and embarrassment. A Filipino friend shared this email. His friend who works for Homeland Security as Immigration Inspector at LAX ( Los Angeles International Airport ) called him yesterday to share the information that happened last weekend.
A FIL-AM citizen who was flying to the Philippines for vacation was apprehended by an Airport Immigration agent while she was checking in her baggage and going through the X-ray machine. For some reason, she was randomly checked and was told to open all the envelopes inside her carry-on Coach bag. They found 10 envelops addressed to different people in the Philippines. When all the envelops were opened, a total of $11,000 cash was discovered. They asked the traveller if she knew the contents of the envelope. She said no, because all the envelopes are just "padala" and the senders didn't tell her whether or not there was money inside. Immigration agents showed her a Policy and guidance stating that it is illegal to import and export over $10,000 in any Asian countries to prevent the possibility of supporting terrorism. She was fined $500, her name was "red labeled" by Immigration (means every time she enters and exits the airport, she will be searched 100%),and she also missed her scheduled flight to the Philippines for being held almost 5 hours. Hard to believe that departing passengers from the U.S. are also subject to the policy but looks like it is being strictly enforced now. The lessons learned is before you accept any "padala", make sure the envelopes are open and you physically see the contents of it or just plainly say "sorry but I can't accept any padala" for your own safety.
TRAVEL ADVISORY FROM AMERICAN EMBASSY MANILA Please share this with your friends and relatives.
Please be informed of the recent travel advisory to the United States.
However, not only pirated VCDs/DVDs are on the hot list. Customs officials are also looking into fake bags like Louis Vuitton, Coach, etc.Please be informed that the American Association of Publishers (AAP) has also alerted the American customs officers to check out for pirated books.
This information; was given to me by Patricia Judd of the AAP.Please warn all nursing graduates who plan to take the NCLEX and CGF exams in the States not to bring in these pirated books because there will be a penalty of automatic deportation as violation of intellectual property rights.
If you know anyone going from the Philippines and coming back to the USA , with "pasalubongs" and "padalas," please read this important enclosed advisory from the American Embassy in Manila.Please share with your friends. Just a friendly reminder: if you have plans of going to the U.S.,please take precautionary measures on all "padalas," especially those containing fake/pirated compact discs/DVDs. US Embassy employees have been given an advisory that as US Gov't employees, we should abide by the U.S.laws, including Intellectual Property Rights (anti-piracy) laws.
As an additional incentive, the Consular Section recently received a report that the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) searched the bag of a Filipino entering the U.S. on NW 72 in Detroit. During the search, 70-80 compact discs, 30-40 empty DVD jackets and 10-20 DVDs were found. Since the travellers were not American citizens, their visas were cancelled and they returned to the Philippines . If they had been Americans, they could have been subject to arrest and criminal prosecution in addition to civil fines and penalties.
Please remember even ONE pirated item can jeopardize your trip. Also, the fingerprinting system has successfully been instituted in all port of entries. I suggest you bring extra identification cards in addition to your passport to facilitate your entry in the US Immigration. I hope this is helpful to you.
Forwarded by: Nancy Hombrebueno NY, NY
Forwarded by: Nancy Hombrebueno NY, NY
History Mystery
Have a history teacher explain this----- if they can.
Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.
Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.
Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.
Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
Both Presidents were shot in the head
Now it gets really weird.
Lincoln 's secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy's Secretary was named Lincoln .
Both were assassinated by Southerners.
Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson.
Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln , was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.
John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln , was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.
Both assassins were known by their three names.
Both names are composed of fifteen letters.
Now hang on to your seat.
Lincoln was shot at the theater named 'Ford.'
Kennedy was shot in a car called ' Lincoln ' made by 'Ford.'
Lincoln was shot in a theater and his assassin ran and hid in a warehouse.
Kennedy was shot from a warehouse and his assassin ran and hid in a theater.
Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.
And here's the kicker...
A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe , Maryland
A week before Kennedy was shot, he was with Marilyn Monroe.
Forwarded by: Nancy Hombrebueno NY, NY
Are the purple lines straight or bent?
If you take a look at the following picture, let me tell you .... it is not animated. Your eyes are making it move. To test this, stare at one spot for a couple seconds and everything will stop moving. Or look at the black center of each circle and it will stop moving. But move your eyes to the next black center and the previous will move after you take your eyes a! w ay f rom itWeird ?
Do you see gray areas in between the squares?
You should see a man's face and also a word...
Hint: Try tilting your head to the right, the world begins with 'L'
